Optimism: The Hidden Asset

By Bruna Martinuzzi

Among the topics that young people study before they enter the workforce is calculus, the mathematics of change and motion. While training in calculus is undoubtedly valuable, I believe that training in optimism is also important. Just as it is good discipline to solve problems like the velocity of a car at a certain moment in time, it is also crucial to figure out what drives people to give us the very best that they have to offer. Ironically, Leibniz, one of the inventors of calculus, is also known for his philosophy of optimism. He was considered to be an inveterate optimist, asserting that we live "in the best of all possible worlds". Optimism is an emotional competence that can help boost productivity, enhance employee morale, overcome conflict and have a positive impact on the bottom line.

In writing about optimism, you face the danger of being seen as advocating a "Pollyanna" or quixotic approach. The truth is, however, optimism has been proven to be a powerful tool that will pay dividends for your personal life and give you a competitive advantage professionally in your career. There is a lot to be gained, indeed, in cultivating an optimistic outlook.

Take leadership, for example. Nowhere is optimism more important than in leading organizations. Highly effective leaders have a transforming effect on their constituents: they have the gift of being able to convince others that they have the ability to achieve levels of performance beyond those they thought possible. They are able to paint an optimistic and attainable view of the future for their followers: They move others from being stuck with "how things are done around here" and help them see "how things could be done better". In The Leadership Advantage, an essay from the Drucker Foundation's Leader to Leader Guide, Warren Bennis tells us that optimism is one of the key things people need from their leaders in order to achieve positive results. Every "exemplary leader that I have met," writes Bennis, "has what seems to be an unwarranted degree of optimism - and that helps generate the energy and commitment necessary to achieve results."

Consider, as well, the reverse: the effect that pessimistic individuals can have on an organization's creativity and innovation. To be innovative, you need to be open to new ideas, wide open to seeing possibilities, willing to take risks and encourage others to take risks - willing to challenge the process in order to create new solutions or products or improve processes. In short, you need to have a sense of adventure and an expectation of success. Those who have a pessimistic outlook typically approach changes to the status quo with the familiar: "We tried this before", "It won't work", or "It will never fly". Such individuals often label themselves as "devil's advocate". How can someone who has a pessimistic outlook embrace change over the safety of the known?

There are other areas which are impacted positively by optimism. Take sales, for example: A study shows that new sales personnel at Metropolitan Life who scored high on a test on optimism sold 37 percent more life insurance in their first two years than pessimists (Seligman, 1990). In another study involving debt collectors in a large collection agency, the most successful collectors had significantly higher scores in the area of self-actualization, independence and optimism. (Bachman et al, 2000, cited by Cary Cherniss.)

Perhaps more significant are the countless studies that have shown that people with an optimistic outlook have healthier relationships, enjoy better mental and physical health and live longer. In The Wisdom of the Ego, Dr George E Vaillant, Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, writes about individuals who have "both the capacity to be bent without breaking and the capacity, once bent, to spring back". Vaillant mentions that, in addition to external sources of resilience (such as good health or social supports), these individuals have important internal sources which include a healthy self-esteem and optimism.

These coping mechanisms are fully explored in Dr Valliant's subsequent book: Aging Well: Surprising Guideposts to a Happier Life, a truly fascinating study that will be particularly interesting to fellow boomers. This is a compendium of three studies involving over 800 individuals, men and women, rich and poor, who were followed for more than 50 years, from adolescence to old age. In it, we discover that one of the most powerful predictors of successful aging is habitually using mature coping mechanisms or defenses, what Vaillant calls the ability to "make lemonade out of life's lemons." Vaillant's study discovered five of these coping mechanisms: Altruism (doing for others what they need, not what we want to do for them); Sublimation (diverting energy to more constructive pursuits such as creativity, art, sports); Suppression (postponement of stressors, not repression); Humor and anticipation. Anticipation is realistic, hopeful planning for the future. This means not operating in a pessimistic crisis mode but preparing and adapting for whatever life brings.

So how do you recognize an optimist? Alan Loy McGinnis, author of The Power of Optimism, studied the biographies of over 1000 famous people, and isolated 12 characteristics of the optimistic personality. Among these is: "Optimists look for partial solutions", that is, freed from the tyranny of perfectionism and from paralysis by analysis, they are open to taking small steps towards achieving success. Another characteristic of those who have an optimistic nature is: "Optimists use their imagination to rehearse success", in other words, they play positive mental videos of preferred outcomes, much like sports figures do. Michael Jordan, for example, once stated that he never plays a game that he hasn't first visualized. Another trait is that "Optimists think that they have great capacity for stretching" - they believe that their personal best is yet to come.

Dr Martin E Seligman, the modern scholar most often associated with studying the traits of optimists, and former president of the American Psychological Association and Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, has devoted decades to studying optimistic people and reports three traits that they have in common: They view adversity in their lives as temporary, specific and external, that is, not entirely their fault, as opposed to pessimists who view adversity as unchangeable, pervasive, and more personal. In the face of setbacks, challenges or difficult jobs, pessimist are more likely to do worse than predicted and even give up, while optimists will persevere. Optimism, therefore, is also an important component of achievement, and is especially important in times of chaos, change and turbulence. Those who have an optimistic outlook will roll with the punches, will be more proactive and persistent and will not abandon hope.

So, where does optimism come from? Is it something we are born with or is it learned? For some lucky individuals, being optimistic comes naturally. The good news is that, for those who don't have it naturally, optimism is an attitude that can be learned and practiced. Here are some strategies you can consider in your journey to becoming more optimistic or in helping someone else who suffers from pessimism:

1. Avoid negative environments. If this is not realistic, make every effort to seek the company of positive individuals in your organization. Sometimes this may mean fraternizing with peers in other departments. Stay away from the professional complainer.

2. Celebrate your strengths. The key to high achievement and happiness is to play out your strengths, not correct your weaknesses. Focus on what you do well. (If you are not sure what your signature strengths are, consider reading Now Discover Your Strengths which includes a web-based questionnaire that helps you discover your own top-five inborn talents.)

3. Take care of your spiritual and emotional well being by reading inspirational material on a daily basis. This may be different for each person. Some may be inspired by daily quotations, others by reading biographies of successful people in their field and yet others may derive inspiration from reading about all the innovations that we are graced with. A useful website for this is the World Future Society, which keeps up with new inventions.

4. Manage or ignore what you cannot change. When faced with setbacks, identify what you can change and proactively try to find ways to do something about it. We have often heard this advice - it bears repeating. Be inspired by Benjamin Franklin's words: "While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us."

5. Learn to reframe. This involved deliberately shifting perspective and looking for the hidden positive in a negative situation: the proverbial silver lining. Look for the gift in the adversity.

If you are serious about developing greater optimism, there is no better book than Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Dr Martin E Seligman. Learn Dr Seligman's ABCDE model for disputing pessimistic thoughts. This is a very useful and powerful tool to help you change the way you explain events that trouble you from pessimistic to optimistic.

6. Adapt your language and outlook. Consider how a simple shift in the language you use can make a difference in your outlook: Do you frequently say: "yes, but...." in response to your constituents' suggestions? The "but" automatically negates anything you have said in the beginning part of the sentence. A simple shift to "yes, and..." might make a positive difference. Check the emails you have sent recently. Count the proportion of negative to positive words. It could be enlightening.

Become aware of your stance in business meetings. Are you known as the "devil's advocate", the one who is quick to shoot down others' ideas? Jumping in too quickly to negate an idea can derail the creative process. Often valuable ideas are the result of an initial "crazy" thought. At meetings, even when we don't have the floor, we are under a magnifying glass. Practice being more upbeat, practice speaking last, and see what happens.

7. Focus outside yourself, on important people in your life, on pursuits and projects that fire you up. Bertrand Russell once said that the quickest way to make ourselves miserable is to continually focus on ourselves. It was his love of mathematics that kept him going.

8. Nurture a culture of optimism when you are in charge of other people at work. Expect people to succeed. Even when they occasionally fail to achieve what they set out to do, encourage them so that they can tackle the next challenge. A simple: "I know you'll do better the next time" can have very positive effects.

9. Cultivate spontaneity. Consider putting aside all your plans once in a while to take a walk with your kids, play a game or catch a show. Getting out of your comfort zone by being spontaneous helps to develop your optimistic muscle, as spontaneity essentially involves an expectation of having a pleasurable experience.

10. Consider the health benefits. If you need an extra motivation for practicing optimism, consider the statistics linking optimism to greater health. As Dr Seligman explains, there is evidence to believe that immune systems among optimistic people are stronger than among pessimists.

This paper would not be balanced if we did not address the benefits of pessimism. Pessimists, as Seligman explains, may be more realistic and accurate about dangers and risks. At times, when there is a risk of serious negative consequences, a cautious, risk-avoiding evaluation is appropriate and desirable. But the positive effects of being optimistic - fighting depression, aiding in professional, academic and sports achievement, and boosting mental and physical health - outweigh the benefits of being a career pessimist. The answer then is, as Seligman explains, "flexible optimism", i.e. having the wisdom to assess situations and identify those that require a pessimistic inquisition, and those that call for optimism, for having a "can do" attitude" and taking a chance. Winston Churchill had a reason for saying: "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." Practice seeing the opportunity.

Copyright © 2006 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

Are You Driving Your Boss Crazy?

Eight Behaviors Bosses Dislike

By Robert Half International

In today's workplace, it goes without saying that it's a good idea to remain on the boss's good side. Your relationship with this person can be a major factor in not only your on-the-job happiness but also your career success. And your boss can be a powerful ally; having a manager who thinks highly of you may improve your job security since you'll have someone who is willing to defend your value to the firm should layoffs occur. So, the last thing you want to do is exhibit behaviors that undermine this relationship.

Unfortunately, your manager may not always tell you if your behavior is driving him or her nuts. Here are eight actions to avoid:

1. Turning down new assignments.
Your supervisor comes to you to say that you'd be the ideal person to mentor a new staff member. She wants to know if you have the time to take on this task. You do, but you're not interested in the responsibility, so you decline the offer. Bad move. It's unwise to build a reputation as someone your boss can't count on. Plus, it's a good rule of thumb to accommodate your boss's wishes, as long as you have room on your plate for the extra work. A pattern of "no's" can convince your manager to stop offering you opportunities, including ones you might be interested in.

2. Being "high-maintenance. "
Do you require constant feedback or positive reinforcement to remain productive? Must you check in with your boss every hour to ensure you're on the right track? This constant need for attention may prevent your manager from attending to important tasks or getting into a good work flow, which is enough to drive even the most patient professional up the wall.

3. Communicating poorly.
You're working on a high-profile project and just left your supervisor a voice-mail message with a quick progress update. He calls back, asking to be e-mailed the information. And, given the importance of the assignment, more detail would be nice. It's critical you understand your boss's communication preferences and adjust your style accordingly to ensure the two of you remain on the same page. In addition to preferred mode of communication, consider how much -- or how little -- information your manager would like.

4. Asking too many questions.
Everyone knows the saying "In one ear and out the other." Don't embody it when interacting with your manager. Repeatedly asking the same question ("Whom should I follow up with again?") is a sure-fire way to annoy your supervisor. To avoid this situation, always listen carefully when your boss is speaking and try to seek clarification on new projects from the get-go. If you must follow up, be sure to approach your manager with a specific list of questions and take notes so you don't need to bother him or her again.

5. Failing to follow through.
You're rushing to finish a presentation for your boss. After reviewing it, he notes a few typographical errors that you should have caught. To build your manager's confidence, you must think ahead and pay attention to details. As you tackle a project, think about the types of concerns your boss is likely to have, questions he or she may ask, and stumbling blocks that could get in your way. For example, if you're in charge of organizing an important meeting, have you tested the necessary technical equipment ahead of time? Prepared and proofread any handouts? Made arrangements to arrive early so you can set up? Even when things are hectic, keeping a keen eye on every detail is necessary to impress your supervisor.

6. Refusing to admit your mistakes.
Creating an excuse to justify poor performance is dishonest and unprofessional. Plus, chances are your ploy won't stand the test of time. If you make a mistake, step up to the plate; then go further by devising a plan for both correcting and avoiding similar incidents in the future. For example, if you included the wrong subject line in a mass e-mail, set it up with a colleague to review any memos with large distribution lists before hitting Send. Employees who accept ownership demonstrate professionalism, maturity and confidence.

7. Waving the red flag after the ship has sunk.
Your manager has asked you to compile a complicated report by the end of the week. Friday afternoon, you realize you can't finish it in time and break the news to your boss. She's furious! If you had just let her know earlier, she would have been able to provide you with extra resources to complete the project by the deadline. The lesson here: Let your supervisor know as soon as you sense a problem growing. With advanced notice, your manager can often work with you to stave off disaster.
8. Fueling the rumor mill.
Above all, supervisors seek employees with a positive outlook, especially given all of the negative news about today's economy. Enthusiasm is contagious, and these individuals are able to influence the attitudes of others. You don't want to be the one at the water cooler who spreads gossip or complains.

How to De Fang a Toxic Boss

By Richard S. Gallagher

How many people out there hate their bosses? And how many have the luxury of simply voting with their feet, and leaving? Everyone faces a toxic boss at some point in their career and must quickly learn how to de-fang.

Toxic bosses are often energy vampires who drain our morale, creativity and productivity. Ironically, they often feel they are doing the right thing in the process. So when you react to them, you get dragged into a tug-of-war that too often leads to a one-way ticket out the door. It's a lose-lose situation for everyone.

At the same time, the right communications skills can provide a great antidote to these toxic bosses. Here's how:

Learn how your boss sees the world. Does your boss go to bed every night dreaming of new ways to be mean and cruel? If he does, it's time to leave, however, the reality is that most toxic bosses simply have a warped view of managing people. What you see as criticism, they see as "holding people accountable. " What you see as politics, they see as "motivating people to perform." And what you think is pointless nastiness is, in their mind, "avoiding a country-club atmosphere where people slack off."

So how do you learn what's behind their snarkiness? Simple: You ask them. Here are some examples of questions you might use:

- "What would the ideal department look like for you?"

- "What kinds of things frustrate you about our team?"

- "What would be the single biggest thing I could do better this year?"

Validate the boss's view of the world. This part feels like sucking on a lemon for most people, but it is the key to changing your boss's toxic behavior. (When was the last time you responded positively to criticism?) Here you are not out to agree with your boss or "kiss up" to her. Your goal is to make it clear you understand her, so that she will then listen to you. Try these on for size:

Tillie Toxic: "I wish people would stop slacking off and get to work around here."

You: "Good point, it is frustrating when people don't perform like you wish they did."

Peter Picky: "You never do this task right."

You: "I don't want you to settle for less than the best. Let's discuss this."

Does it feel funny to say things like these to a boss who acts like Darth Vader? Of course it does. But when you say them, you accomplish something extremely valuable: You create a safe space to start talking about changing the boss's intimidating ways.

Offer an alternative. Here is where you close in for the kill. Offer your boss what he wants, while presenting him with a neutral, factual way to get there -- by treating you better! Here's one example:

"I want to give you everything you want in the future. At the same time, I find it difficult to do that when I am constantly criticized. It makes it harder for me to do my best. Where could we go from here?"

Now you are in productive dialogue, and can start negotiating a win-win solution as adults. Remember that you have to use facts and not feelings here. Telling your boss to "share performance expectations" or "talk to me first before you criticize my work" is OK, but asking him to "stop being a jerk" is provocative, not to mention unclear.

With the right words, you can often achieve what seems impossible: Get your toxic boss to change, using a painless conversation that never puts him or her on the defensive. In the process, you will gain interpersonal and leadership skills that will stick with you for the rest of your life.

For Better or Worse, Until Pink Slip Do Us Part

Consider your relationship and each other’s personality before teaming up

By Eve Tahmincioglu

Divorce can be hell, but it can be even more hellish if the husband and wife work together.

A perfect example of this is the drama publicly unfolding between the estranged couple that ran the Los Angeles Dodgers together, team owner Frank McCourt and his wife and former team CEO Jamie McCourt.

The husband fired the wife last month. She went to court to get her job back but lost her bid to be reinstated Thursday during a hearing in the couple's messy divorce proceedings.


It’s McCourt vs. McCourt, and it’s also a cautionary tale for all couples considering sharing a bed and a workplace.

“You’re taking career, finances and your key relationship and adding additional stress,” says Greg McCann, who teaches family business at Stetson University. “Over half of marriages end in divorce; why would you add this stress to it. Most couples probably shouldn’t do it.”

You don’t have to tell Karey Bohmer, a project manager for US Airways in Phoenix, how difficult it can be.

Bohmer met her husband Daniel, an airplane mechanic, on the job. Although they now work in different departments, they have worked together and for each other for the past 15 years.

“We’ve had supervisors try to pit us against each other, accused us of favoritism, and had lots of ugly rumors spread around about us,” she explained. “We’ve also been divorced and remarried, and a big part of our divorce was because of work.”

While they've learned how to work together, Karey Bohmer says day-to-day issues make it tough on both of them.

“Some days we hate each other. We’re carpooling together, living together,” she says. “When I get home, I want to leave work at work. He wants to talk about work, but there are a lot of people I get along with that he doesn’t get along with.”

There’s also the issue of having too many eggs in one basket. Layoffs have plagued the aviation industry, including at US Airways. “It’s constantly in the back of your mind,” she says. “If layoffs hit, we could both be unemployed.”

Firing your spouse
Andrea Sittig-Rolf, who runs a sales training company called Sittig Inc. in Redmond, Wash., ending up pink-slipping her husband Brian after a year of him working for her. “I decided I’d rather keep him as a husband than as an employee, so I had to fire him,” she says.

She asked her husband to join her team at Sittig after he was laid off from a sales job at Waste Management in 2005. But soon their divergent personalities caused friction.

“Brian is the kind of person that wants a plan in place. I’m the kind of person that leaps and waits for the net to appear,” she says. She started bossing her husband around and became “mean and controlling.”

It was starting to impact the couple’s relationship, so she made the tough decision to let her hubby go. “I said, ‘I can’t do this. I don’t like what it’s doing to our relationship.’ ”

But it’s not all doom and gloom for life partners who also want to be work partners.

Making it work
Max Dobens works for his wife, Jacky Teplitzky, who runs one of Prudential Douglass Elliman’s top real estate businesses in New York City.

Dobens, who had worked in the hotel industry and for a dotcom but ended up getting laid off from both jobs, was asked by his wife to join her real estate team. He accepted after passing the real estate exam in 2001.

He had heard dire warnings about what might happen if he worked with his wife, but he was so sick of corporate politics that he took a chance — and is happy he did.
“I want to be a family, work together and be with my wife,” he says.

He admitted there were drawbacks, such as “a very fuzzy line between what’s personal and what’s business. It’s hard to go out to dinner and not talk about what’s going on in the office.”

And after the bottom dropped out of the New York real estate market last year, he wondered if he made the right decision.

What helps them make it work is that they’re focused on different things while on the job. “I’m off working with my own clients, doing a lot of my own thing,” he says. “If we were both chefs working in the same kitchen, there would have been a stabbing years ago.”

Dividing up responsibilities
Indeed, experts say it’s a good idea to separate responsibilities because one of the major issues husband-and- wife co-workers deal with is the power struggle, especially if one is the boss of another.

Maureen Borzacchiello, owner of Creative Display Solutions Inc. in Garden City, N.Y., discovered that in the first few months after she asked her husband to join her at her company in 2005. “Suddenly I had someone with an opinion that was happy to give me his opinion,” she says. “In the back of my mind I was thinking, ‘This is my company, mister.’ ”

The couple sat down one night and had an honest discussion, dividing up roles and responsibilities instead of trying to do everything together. “We drew a line in the sand,” she says.

They also promised never to fight in front of employees about work matters, and they make sure to give each other space on those days they need it.

Spouses never know if they’re cut out to work together until they actually try it, says Stephanie Losee, co-author of “Office Mate: Your Employee Handbook for Romance on the Job.” But a failed attempt, especially in this economy, can be costly to everyone concerned.

The worst-case scenario is when you thought there was a certain level of compatibility and friendship at the core of your marriage, and “one goes to work for the other with the thinking that you’re extending that relationship, and it backfires.”


Working with your spouse

For those thinking about working with a spouse, Losee offers some questions to consider:

• — Have you ever worked on a project together, at your kid’s school or a home improvement project, for example? How did it go?
• Who’s the boss in your family? Who pays the bills? There is always someone who is the boss. That could determine if one spouse is comfortable taking orders from another.
• Is there some other way to go? Before you make this decision, look at the situation that raised the question of working together. Did it happen because someone’s job went south? That foundation is pretty slippery. If the root of it is something you both wanted, then you’re standing on very solid ground.
  

Remembering Names and What to Do When You Forget

By Judith Bowman, author of "Don't Take the Last Donut: New Rules of Business Etiquette"

Remembering names is a challenge for many; therefore, most of us need to work a bit harder at being more proficient. Most people tend to forget names because, typically, we are thinking about what we are going to say, rather than listening and concentrating.

Try this exercise: As soon as someone makes an introduction, either a self-introduction or paving the way for another, use the person's name immediately and say, "Dr. Doyle. It is a pleasure meeting you, Dr. Doyle." Do this with each person you meet.

Next, look closely at this individual. Make an association, perhaps with another person you may know with the same name. Then, make a visual association; visualize him or her as the person with the white teeth or who wears pearls. Ask him to say or pronounce his name again, particularly if he has a challenging or unusual name. In a business situation, ask for a business card. Look at the card, then back at the individual and make another visual association with the individual and his name. Finally, say the person's name again and use it frequently in conversation, which will also make him feel special.
People like to hear the sound of their own names. Think about it -- when we hear our name, we perk up, right? You are also sending a message to this individual that you care enough to remember his name, which is a positive reflection on you, personally and professionally. The business tie-in is, what else do you take the time for, go to the trouble of, make the effort to learn about (in advance)? Bottom-line: I trust you; I want to do business with you; I want you to represent my firm.

What to do when you forget a name?

Here are seven steps to take when you forget someone's name.

1. Confess
"What's your name again?" would not be appropriate. Try something like, "I am so sorry, I have completely blanked on your name." This said, with sincerity, is appropriate and speaks volumes about you while also demonstrating your genuine interest in knowing who she is and remembering her. As always, it is not what you say, but how you say it.

2. Ask 'What is your full name?'
The person will respond saying his first and last name. At which point you might say, "Yes, I knew it was 'Bill,' but 'Bill Flynn'"; now you have both.

3. Go to a respected third party
Ask, "What is the name of the woman in the blue dress?" You may then approach her, greet her by name and be a hero, suggesting you remembered her name.

4. Ask for a business card or calling card.
Take this opportunity to make yet another visual association.

5. Ask him to spell his name.
Be careful here. He could say, "J-O-N-E-S. In other words, exactly the way it sounds." This can happen from time to time. It's OK. Others understand and appreciate your effort in trying to know their name.

6. Introduce yourself.
Approach the other person and say your name, first and last. In business, we should all be conditioned so that when we hear another person say her name, we respond by saying our name, slowly and clearly, so it can be understood and remembered.

7. The 'setup'
Sending over a trusted friend, colleague or spouse to introduce himself so the individual in question will respond by saying his name is frequently done and is effective. The person who designed this "setup" is then free to confidently approach the person, calling him by name.

Finally, knowing that most of us are challenged remembering names, it is everyone's responsibility to be aware of this situation. Recognize the opportunity to help others when it comes to remembering names and using them for introductions and in conversation, which makes others feel valued and special. Everyone's help and participation in making the name game seamless is not only appropriate, but required in order to be an active participant at any event. It will go a long way in terms of being noticed and appreciated.

Faux pas
Be sure to avoid these common faux pas when remembering someone's name.

1. Assuming the familiar
Calling someone by her first name without being invited can be detrimental. Err on the side of being more conservative and ask, "How do you prefer to be addressed?" It is an expression and a gesture -- always acceptable and appreciated and never wrong.

2. Assuming that 'Suzanne Smith' prefers to be called 'Suzie' or that 'Cristiana Jones' prefers to be called 'Christy.'
Once again, "How do you prefer to be addressed?" helps you to earn the right to advance and learn that Elizabeth Jones prefers to be called "Lizzy" or Dr. Jones.

When your boss forgets to be the boss

By anthony balderrama on Sep 29, 2009

I fully admit that I’m not the reality TV junkie that many of my friends and co-workers are. In fact, I can only think of two non-scripted shows I watch. (Well, “non-scripted” is used loosely here.) Regardless, one of those shows I’ve found myself drawn to is The Rachel Zoe Project. Go ahead, judge me. I’ll wait.

OK, the reason I bring this up is because last night’s episode had a good lesson for workers (and employers, too). Let me summarize what’s going on in this show:

Rachel Zoe is a fashion stylist and she has two assistants. Taylor’s been there since the beginning and Brad has only been with her for a year. Taylor and Brad don’t always get along–naturally, because if they did, the show would be boring. Well, Rachel tells Brad and Taylor that their schedule is open and all three of them will be going to Paris Fashion Week, which is basically the Super Bowl of couture. Then some clients need Rachel’s services during that scheduled trip and she has to leave one of the assistants behind. Who will go to Paris? (Insert dramatic stares and camera cuts here.)

Rachel first sends an e-mail to Taylor and Brad telling them what’s going on and that the two of them should figure it out themselves. She secretly wants Brad to say, “Taylor has seniority. I’ll stay; she can go.” Taylor knows this, too. Brad doesn’t do that. Taylor tells Brad what’s going on. He gets mad at Rachel. She sends an e-mail to Taylor saying that she should decide who goes and who stays because she has seniority. Brad’s reaction is what most viewers were probably thinking: Rachel has the most seniority–she’s the boss. Throughout this entire ordeal all three players mention the fact that Rachel has issues with confrontation. She even says that her least favorite part of being the boss is doing the things that a boss has to do.

Ultimately, Taylor decides Brad should go and that she wants to deal directly with Rachel to discuss the issue. Rachel knows it’s all coming. Everyone agrees that Rachel royally messed up and should’ve made the decision and been unafraid of angering her employees. That’s what happens when you’re the boss.

Now, for me and you, the regular people who don’t have our own shows and who don’t have the luxury of worrying about who gets to go to Paris and who has to stay home and deal with celebrities, there are still some valuable work lessons here. Here are some things to do when your boss relegates a little too much responsibility to you:

* Be nice to your co-workers
If your boss wants you and your co-worker to tackle a problem, try to do it. Bickering back and forth and getting passive aggressive won’t advance the situation. It’ll just escalate tension and eventually you’ll end up running to the boss sounding like a whiny baby because the other person was mean to you.

* Think about office politics (sometimes)
I’m not saying you should get involved in the gritty side of workplace politics, but recognize that seniority, tenure and titles play a role in how (many) companies operate. In some cases, deferring to the senior member of the team shows that you respect their time at the company and that you’re cooperative.

* If you are senior, act senior
Pulling rank can often be annoying and unnecessary, but sometimes the boss looks to the second-in-command to step up and show leadership. Take the opportunity and run with it. Acknowledge that your role might be strange for everyone because you’re not the boss. It will diffuse some of the tension while telling everyone that you are embracing the role and will be the decision-maker.

* Politely confront your boss about the issue
If a boss handled a situation in a way that affected daily operations and relationships, you need to address it. Be respectful and remember that he or she is the boss–so preparing a fiery 20-minute speech isn’t the way to go. But feel free to ask to discuss the situation and then explain that the group needed a little more guidance. Use it as an opportunity to step up by saying, “I felt that I should take control because of my seniority, but I didn’t want to appear as though I was undermining your authority.” Or, if you aren’t one of the highest ranking people on the team, tell the boss that there was some confusion and that, “We wanted to be certain that we were staying on track with your goals, but we didn’t know if plans had changed and we were supposed to listen to [so-and-so] instead.” Word it however you want, but while showing respect and not whining, voice your concern. Sometimes bosses are so busy they don’t even realize there was any misunderstanding in their directions.

The whole situation was kind of bananas, to be honest. But it doesn’t have to be if you act like an adult and talk things out.

Is It Time to Quit?

Reasons you may want to search for greener pastures

By Robert Half International


With the national unemployment rate nearing double digits, most professionals who have jobs are thinking of only one thing: keeping them. But even when the employment market is extremely competitive, there are some situations in which it might make sense for those with jobs to look for new ones. If you cringe every time you pass your supervisor in the hall or dread heading to the office each day, for example, finding greener pastures could make the most sense for the long-term health of your career. Being stuck in the wrong job not only can cause you frustration and make your days feel endless, but it can also stunt your professional growth.

How do you know if it's time to start thinking about moving on? Here are some signs:

1. Your job or company is in trouble. Many companies are still struggling because of the effects of the recession. Some are on life support; others are being forced to lay off staff. If you fear for the stability of either your position or company, the time to act is now. Keep your ear to the ground to get a sense of the health of the firm or potential warning of job cuts. Just be careful you don't hit the panic button prematurely. In times of change, rumors can run rampant; judge the validity of any information you receive, and approach your manager with concerns if you are truly alarmed, before searching for a new position.

2. You and your manager don't see eye to eye. Your boss has a big impact on your professional success. After all, he or she has control over the types of projects you take on and the level of responsibility you're given. So if you find yourself constantly butting heads with your supervisor, you could be in trouble. Before looking for work elsewhere, however, ask yourself how serious the situation is. In some cases, it may be virtually impossible to work with your manager -- if he or she has unreasonable expectations, for instance, or degrades you. But other issues, such as your need for more direction on assignments, can be resolved by expressing your concerns with your manager. Remember, you don't have to be best friends with your boss to be able to work together effectively.

3. Your career is going nowhere. Maybe you've been doing the same work for several years and think you've outgrown your current duties. Or perhaps you've lost passion for what you do. If this is the case, your career is bound to slip into neutral. Start by talking to your boss about taking on assignments that are more diverse or challenging, or about altering your role to better fit your talents. If no alternatives are forthcoming, it may be time to jump ship.

4. You don't feel at home. If competition around the office seems far from friendly, it may not be the best place for you. Employees who take credit for your work or steal your ideas could be sabotaging your career. Another red flag is if mismatches crop up between your personal and professional interests. Perhaps your casual style doesn't jibe with the company's buttoned-down atmosphere. If a discrepancy involves serious matters -- ethics or values, for example -- in particular, you'll likely find it difficult to thrive over the long run.

Before leaving your employer, you might want to consider if there is an opportunity for an internal transfer, especially if you like the firm in general. Speak to colleagues in other departments or a human resources representative to learn about potential opportunities. If nothing turns up, you'll know you did all you could to find satisfaction at your current company, and that could make you feel more confident about your decision if and when you choose to move on.

If you do think it's time to find other employment opportunities, consider what you like and dislike about your current job to determine if a different type of position or industry would better suit your skills and interests. Members of your professional network could provide valuable advice as you contemplate the answer. Chances are they have faced similar dilemmas in the past, and their counsel could help you uncover your true passion.

Social Media's Role in the Job Search

Knowing when traditional tools are better

By Anthony Balderrama


The Internet has significantly changed how we carry out many everyday tasks. We don't have to receive bills in the mail or go to the bank to check our account balances. Hop online and almost everything we want to do is at our fingertips. Online job hunting has replaced flipping through the newspaper want ads to find that elusive open position.

Another significant addition to the Internet is social media. Social networking sites have suddenly put us in touch with long-lost friends or helped us make new ones. They're like class reunions and dating services rolled into one. And now they've become professional tools, too. You can use your online profile to display your work history and skill set.

As great as these advances are, some people fail to understand that new isn't always better. Sometimes older, more traditional methods are better than the newer, flashier ones. It's something that plenty of job seekers need to realize when they're looking for work and professionals should think about when using their profiles to network.

The job seeker's friend ... and foe
When looking for work, the biggest drawback to social media is the virtual paper trail you might leave. Attorney Robin Bond reminds job seekers that how you interact with friends is probably not how you interact with a boss or even co-workers, so make sure your professional side is what people see.

"Use separate sites for business and personal contacts," Bond advises. "If you were having a party, it's unlikely you'd invite all your party pals to the same event where you were entertaining your boss and work colleagues." For that reason, take advantage of professional networking sites like LinkedIn and BrightFuse for displaying your skills to potential business contacts and employers.

Keep the more irreverent profiles on a separate site and out of the hands of employers. Even then, Bond cautions against posting potentially damaging photographs because it is the Internet and nothing is entirely private.

"If you think your mom would be embarrassed by something you post, then think twice about posting it," he says.

Naturally, the visibility that could ruin your career could also be what gives you one in the first place. David Gammel, author of "Online and On Mission: Practical Web Strategy for Breakthrough Results," sees the value in social media's prominence when used for good.

"If you have posted lots of content under your identity that enhances your qualifications, it will show up high in search results and benefit how you are perceived," Gammel says. "If that content is unprofessional or otherwise at odds with the job you are pursuing, it may stop you in your tracks."

Although social media are an asset, they have yet to become the definitive way to land a position, he says.

"The best way to find a new job is still through a personal referral from someone who trusts you to someone who trusts them," Gammel says. "Social media might be used for communicating, but it won't create that trust. Good old-fashioned relationships will do that."

Remember the 'network' in social network
For professionals who already have a job, and for those who are considering a career move, social media can supplement traditional networking methods. They don't replace them, but they offer new opportunities alongside them.

"I think the biggest problem is that people treat social media and 'the real world' as if they are two separate modes of contact all too often," says Sam Ford, director of customer insights for communications agency Peppercom Inc. "The best answer is to use a combination of the two when searching for jobs, building relationships with potential employers, building out your network, etc. In my own network and in dealing with job prospects, I've found that a combination of the two makes all the difference in the world."

That amalgamation can add another dimension to an otherwise dull online experience.

"I find myself wanting to connect with people on Twitter [and] accepting LinkedIn connections particularly if we've had a strong face-to-face or phone conversation in the past," Ford says. He found that the online component enriches the relationship and wouldn't have occurred had they never interacted in a traditional way first.

Ultimately, what job seekers and professionals interested in networking need to remember is that business doesn't exist only online or face-to-face. Technology is part of everyday business and there are people behind those Tweets and profiles, so you should remember to make both new and traditional methods part of your networking practices.

5 Ways to Get Better Compensation

By Anthony Balderrama

As you're undoubtedly aware, businesses are operating with caution these days and watching their bottom lines more closely than ever. Accordingly, employees are feeling the pinch. Expect lean operations to continue for a while longer, but don't assume you have no chance of receiving a salary boost.

Whether you're already employed or negotiating a job offer, all hope for bumping up your compensation is not lost. With the right amount of flexibility and good timing, you can end up getting what you want.

Prove your worth
Don't expect to earn a hefty paycheck based on your merits if you have no proof of your accomplishments. Specificity is the best friend of job seekers and employees. When budgets are already tight, employers won't be willing to hand out more cash than necessary. Businesses are always trying to do more with less, but these days they are forced to.

If you're already employed, your boss might not notice your accomplishments. Smooth operations mean no hiccups or need for finger-pointing; therefore your good work might go unnoticed. You should be able to list specific achievements during your time at the company to be a reminder of your accomplishments. Did you increase sales, make operations more efficient or receive positive feedback from clients? If so, have proof and use it. Quantifiable numbers and direct quotes make a better case than pretty phrases.

For job seekers, the story is the same, except your highlights should span your career. A strong track record throughout your work history gives a hiring manager good reason to expect more from you ... and do more for you.

Know the market
Although you might think you're worth a seven-figure salary, your boss isn't likely to agree, so don't walk into negotiations thinking you can start at $1 million in order to negotiate your way to an $80,000 salary. Your boss probably knows how much other workers in similar positions earn and so should you. Go to salary sites, such as SalaryExpert. com, and see what the standard rate is for your job title in your city or across the country. Putting your salary in context gives you realistic expectations and helps you bargain effectively.

Ask for a six-month review
Sometimes, getting more money right now is not an option. Your boss or hiring manager might not have the authority to negotiate higher salaries for anyone if the budget is frozen. In that case, you can ask to revisit the topic in six months when the company's financial situation could be better.

The other advantage of having a review down the road is that you have six months (or however long) to make good on your promises. All those specific achievements you highlighted are good talk, but this is your last chance to put your words into action. As frustrating as working hard with no financial bonus can be, stay motivated by the idea that you might get an even better reward at the review.

Ask at the right time
Even if you know your worth and have the facts to prove it, you won't get any more money if you don't ask for it. If the company's in the middle of a financial crisis and half of your department's been laid off, however, you might want to wait awhile. Ask at the wrong time and not only will you not receive more money, but your boss will wonder if you're paying attention to your surroundings or if you even care about the company's welfare. If you work in an industry that's still booming and your company's thriving, then you can broach the subject.

Think outside the box
Bosses love to challenge their employees to "think outside the box." When you're looking to stretch your paycheck this year, don't forget the nonmonetary perks. Frozen company budgets might not thaw much this year or at least not for a few more months, so why not negotiate other benefits?

Employers might be willing to offer more vacation time, flexible work hours or the ability to work from home now and then. Logging on to your computer from home means you're still doing your work, but you didn't pay a dime in transportation or lose any time commuting. The numbers on your paycheck might not change, but how you spend those dollars and hours can improve.

7 Worst Career Mistakes You Can Make

Leadership lessons from the game of tennis

By Jeffrey A. Krames, author "The Unforced Error: Why Some Mangers Get Promoted While Others Get Eliminated"

Tennis and business have a lot more in common than you may think. In 1982, a tennis professional coined the term "unforced error" to describe what happens when one player who is in position to return the ball makes an error by hitting the ball out of the field of play -- or missing the ball altogether. That same kind of error happens all of the time in the business world.

Research shows that even the smartest managers can make the worst career errors. Once again, the same is true in tennis. Even the best players in the world make unforced errors in every match. In professional tennis as in business, the player with the fewest unforced errors usually wins.

Research also shows that at the top levels of corporations, unforced errors have taken a greater toll than ever before. For example, CEO turnover was up 60 percent between 1995 and 2006 and shows no signs of slowing down, according to the consulting firm Booz Allen Hamilton. However, you do not have to be a CEO to make a costly unforced error.

In my career of nearly three decades, I have had a front-row seat to countless numbers of unforced errors in the workplace. Much to my surprise, I have witnessed egregious, stupid errors made by people I regarded as the smartest, most effective of colleagues.

So what kind of tennis mistakes translate to your life and career? Consider the following:

Mistake No. 1: Always playing with a singles mindset
"Playing doubles," alongside a partner, is more realistic than acting like the Lone Ranger who does everything on his own. There are some individuals -- think of them as cowboys -- who have no ability to delegate or work with colleagues. This could be a huge unforced error; given the complexity of today's operating environment, every employee and manager can use all of the help he or she can get.

Mistake No. 2: Not facing reality at all times
Many great tennis players have wasted precious time arguing with referees insisting that the ref's calls were wrong (think John McEnroe and Serena Williams). In business, the same phenomenon occurs all the time. For example, managers cannot come to terms with the fact that their latest new product is a failure and they pour more good money after bad, chasing something that should have been abandoned.

Mistake No. 3: Not taking learning seriously enough
This is another problem that exists in both the tennis and business worlds. In tennis, players need to put in the requisite practice hours to improve their game. John McEnroe says that Ivan Lendl became the incredible champion he did through "sheer rehearsal." In business, one needs to take learning just as seriously. Former GE CEO Jack Welch affirmed that when he said that it is the responsibility of every worker to find a better way of doing things.

Mistake No. 4: Not experimenting on a consistent basis
Celebrated tennis writer W. Timothy Gallwey once said, "Perfect strokes are already within us, waiting to be discovered." Tennis great Billie Jean King explained that champions keep playing until they get it right. In business, a perfect stroke might be a marketing presentation that wins a million-dollar account, or a strategy presentation that helps you to win that elusive promotion.

Mistake No. 5: Not being prepared at all times
Being prepared counts for a lot in business, as it does in tennis. And unlike other traps, this one is entirely within your control. For example, if you go to a meeting and your boss asks you about a project that is your responsibility, can you give her up-to-date-informat ion on the account? Do you know important deadlines? What land mines must you look out for? These are the kinds of things that a manager must be prepared to answer at all times.

Mistake No. 6: Not protecting your flanks
Tennis players need to see and be in command of the total court. Businesspeople need to be in touch with all aspects of the game if they are going to have a good chance of success. Everyone is affected by turf wars and power plays that take place every day in your office. The key, says career expert Dr. Kathleen Reardon, is that if you "choose any two competent people, the one who has political savvy, agility in the use of power, and the ability to influence [others] will go further."
Mistake No. 7: Not taking ownership of your part of the court
Not taking responsibility is another of those tricky unforced errors. The mistake is not in something one does, but in something one doesn't do. So this is an easy mistake to make and one of the more common of unforced errors. While you can't control everything, step up and take more responsibility -- within reason -- whenever you can. If nobody is addressing a problem that you notice or taking advantage of an opportunity that you identify, think about whether you should be doing it yourself.

Bosses Tell All: How I Busted My Employee Playing Hooky

By Rachel Zupek

Let's get one thing straight: Though you shouldn't, everyone plays hooky. But come on, people -- be smart about it! Or at the very least, don't get caught twice.

Donna Flagg, workplace expert and president of The Krysalis Group, caught the same employee playing hooky not once, but twice. The first time, Flagg saw her on the evening news the same day she claimed to be on her deathbed. Another time, she saw the employee at a party where she saw her ducking behind a group of guys and mouthing unprintable obscenities about seeing her boss.

To avoid situations where you have to run and hide, our first advice is to not skip work in the first place; if you do, stay out of public places. Secondly, whether you want to sleep off a hangover, go to the beach or head to the Cubs home opener, if you decide to take the day off, be honest about it.

"If a person needs time away from work for legitimate reasons, they should talk with their boss," says Franklin Riga, author of "Global Collusion: The Cover Up." "If they want time off on a whim and play hooky, they shouldn't go the Ferris Bueller route, as exciting as it seems."

Honesty doesn't seem to be the best policy for most employees: 33 percent of them admitted to playing hooky this year rather than telling their bosses the truth, according to a survey by CareerBuilder. com.

People often think they need to lie because they think they lack control over their lives and work, says J.T. O'Donnell, a career strategist and workplace consultant.

"Most companies are getting a lot better about offering personal days as a way to take an unexpected day off without explanation, " O'Donnell says. "It's OK to need a day off. There's really no need to create an elaborate excuse."

Web of lies

Jenn Hoffman, founder of public relations agency Get Some Media, is no stranger to elaborate excuses. While she was the editor-in-chief of a Phoenix-based magazine, her editorial assistant called to say that while she was visiting her family in Michigan over the weekend, she had gotten so sick with the flu that she couldn't travel and would be out all week.

"I told her no problem and to get better. I felt really bad for her because she was a college student and this was during her winter break," Hoffman remembers.

When Hoffman logged into MySpace, however, she saw a series of bulletins from her employee with such subjects as "Back from Michigan. Called in sick to work ALL WEEK. Who wants to party???!!!" and "Winter break, b****s. Pussycat Lounge Tonight?" The next day, she posted pictures of her partying adventures.

"If she just told me she needed a day off, I might have been sympathetic. I knew she was a young, full-time college student, working long hours and doing an internship," Hoffman says. "Instead, not only did she lose her job, she ruined her chances to ever get a positive recommendation from me or anyone at our organization. "

More true tales

"A young temp worker was exceptional. One Friday, he shows up messy, smelling like alcohol and can't do one thing right. The manager sends him to the staffing company at lunchtime to show them what a mess he is. He takes two hours to get there, but shows up just fine, [his] old self again. After some questioning, he breaks down and admits he was on an interview for a full-time job, and thus, sent his TWIN BROTHER in to work for him that morning!" - J.T. O'Donnell, Careerealsim. com

"A young man called in sick on the first sunny, hot day of the year. The next day, the boss called him in the office and let him go. When he asked why, the boss just gave him the state's leading newspaper and said, 'Next time, don't get photographed. ' There he was, sitting on a couch that he and his buddies had dragged to the beach, in his sunglasses and swim shorts with a big grin - ON THE FRONT PAGE!" - J.T. O'Donnell, Careerealsim. com

"I was senior manager for a pharmaceutical company. Around Thanksgiving, I received a 'death bed' call from an employee. She was feeling so bad that she couldn't possibly come into work. (This was the same lady who scheduled surgeries around her grandchildren' s birth and summer vacations.) One of my other employees called me that afternoon after having seen [the sick employee] at the casino boat. She had won about $3,000 and had told her co-worker, thinking that she wouldn't tell me. She did." - Kristin Peoples, author of "The Complete Bankruptcy Guide for Consumers and Small Businesses"

"Earlier this year, when I was senior vice president at my previous employer, two employees were having an interoffice romance. Their attempts to cover it up were ham-fisted at best. One afternoon, both employees were conspicuously missing from the office for an extended period of time. I was suspicious and began asking employees about their whereabouts. Suddenly, my mobile phone rang and a fellow [co-worker] reported them departing hand-in-hand from a cheap hotel (with no lobby or restaurant) two blocks from the office. We couldn't wait for them to get back." - Kevin A. Mercuri, president, Propheta Communications

"I took over [a] fraud detection department due to downsizing; I found that one of the fraud analysts had convinced the previous manager that he had a medical condition that forced him to stay home, where he supposedly was working on building a fraud detection database. I became suspicious and asked him to bring a note in from his doctor. He did, and I became even more suspicious of the note. I ended up calling the doctor's office and faxed the note to him. His nurse called back and told me it was a forgery. When confronted, the analyst said his friend had forged the note and he had spent the last months at home playing video games on the company's dime." - Diane Ness, ENI Security Solutions

"I was the manager of retail advertising for a newspaper in Pennsylvania; I had a sales rep named Xavier. [One] particular morning, Xavier, or X has he preferred, called in sick. He had a terrible cold, didn't want to infect the staff, yada, yada. The publisher of the newspaper had a business lunch to attend that day and I was going with her. We arrived at the event, socialized and later got in the buffet line for our food. When I got to the carving station, the chef asked, "What can I get for you?" Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be my very sick employee, X. The look on his face was priceless. I almost said, 'I'd like a resignation please,' but it didn't seem the appropriate moment." Janet Gillis, Tampa, Fla.

"I was a show director for a trade show company. One of our vendors gave Red Sox home day opener tickets to one of my sales reps, who invited me to go with him. I let my staff know I was taking an unplanned vacation day but I didn't tell them I was going to the Red Sox opener with this sales rep. While we were [there], I ran into an old college pal who was a news photographer for the Portland, Maine, NBC affiliate. He was with a reporter to find people to interview for the 6:00 news. The reporter asked me specifically, 'Did you call in sick to be here?' and I said 'No, that wouldn't be a very good career move.' Later that day, after many beers, my sales rep fessed up and said, 'I did call in sick.' Moral of the story: Don't become too chummy with your direct reports. Somewhere down the line, it'll blow up in your face." - Jane Bogue, Wells, Maine

Saying No to Your Boss

By Rachel Zupek

When you think back to your childhood and your mom said, "We'll see," it was always better than a flat out, "No." Much like "possibly" is sufficient when you ask your boss for time off and "I'll think about it" gives you hope when you ask for a raise.

Though all of these responses are really just a more polite version of "no," they're easier to hear than the actual word itself. While hearing "no" is hard enough, it seems that saying no is even more difficult for some people -- especially when it comes to their boss.

"Most employees avoid saying no to their boss because they fear it will ruin their relationship, cost them their job or appear disrespectful, " says Joseph Grenny, co-author of "Crucial Conversations. " "With the right set of skills, it is possible to be 100 percent candid and respectful when holding this important conversation. "

The reality is, we can't say to yes to everything, so it's essential to position yourself in the best way possible if and when you have to say no at work. The trick, experts say, is not really what you say, but how you say it.

"Many of us won't say the word because we are afraid to, especially in this economy," says Mary Byers, author of "How to Say No ... And Live to Tell About It." "It's easier to say no at work if you don't actually use the word. That way, your boss won't feel like you're being insubordinate. "

Elisabeth Manning, a human potential coach, recalls a time when she was an assistant to the president of a major company. The president wanted to make Manning her marketing manager at the same time -- and the same salary.

Manning, who knew that she would have too much on her plate if she accepted working both jobs, told her boss that she wanted to maximize her capacity for potential at the company and accepting the offer would not be the best, most efficient use of her time.

"I was neutral, not emotional and held my ground," Manning says. "I spoke as if it were already a done deal, without fear."

Here are five situations where you might find yourself needing (and wanting) to say no at work and how you can do so tactfully -- and without losing your job.

How to say no to ...
Your boss assigning you too much work

It can be tough to tell your boss you have a problem with the amount of work he or she is assigning you, but it's possible if you can make your boss feel safe, Grenny says. Start with facts instead of harsh judgments or vague conclusions and let your boss know you care about his interests and respect him, he says.

"Strip out any judgmental or provocative language and be specific," Grenny says. "For example, 'Last week, you gave me two large projects to finish in a very short amount of time and I had to complete these on top of my regular responsibilities. I am afraid my large workload might be affecting the quality of my work.'"

Outrageous demands

If your boss asks you to do something like run his errands or work all weekend and you can't (or don't feel like you should have to), focus on what you can do, says Susan Fletcher, a psychologist, author and speaker.

"The next time your boss asks you to go pick up his or her dry cleaning, instead of saying no, say, 'What I can do is cover your phone calls for you while you are out of the office,'" Fletcher suggests. "Or if your boss asks you to start up a new company initiative, instead of saying no, say, 'What I can do is brainstorm with you on the strategy for the initiative and help get the proper team members in place who can execute the strategy."

Something you honestly can't do

Of course, it's always good to learn new skills, but if you truly believe you aren't the best person for the job, you should say no. Byers suggests responding with something like, "Is there another department where this project might fit better, or someone we can collaborate with?"

"If you know you don't have the necessary time, resources or knowledge for a given project, this is a good way to open dialogue about the best way to get an assignment done," she says.

Unrealistic deadlines

If you frame your response in a way that helps your boss to rethink his request, you'll be OK, says Beth Sears, president of Workplace Communication.

Be aware of your tone of voice and try something like, "I understand your need for this assignment to be completed, but I need some help prioritizing my other work. You requested me to complete 'A' by tomorrow, 'B' by Thursday and 'C' by Friday. This last assignment 'D' would make it impossible to accomplish all of these. How would you prioritize these tasks?" Sears suggests.

Anything illegal, unethical or that crosses personal boundaries

Say no to anything that will you get into trouble if you say yes. Meaning, if something will be detrimental to your career or goes against your integrity, you should always say no.

Jennifer Bergeron, an HR training specialist, recently said no to one of her bosses who asked her to lie to her direct manager.

"I said, 'I'm not comfortable doing that, because the result will be [X, Y and Z]. Please don't ask me to ever lie to someone," Bergeron says. "He said, 'OK, you're right. I didn't realize all that was going on.'"