Are You Driving Your Boss Crazy?

Eight Behaviors Bosses Dislike

By Robert Half International

In today's workplace, it goes without saying that it's a good idea to remain on the boss's good side. Your relationship with this person can be a major factor in not only your on-the-job happiness but also your career success. And your boss can be a powerful ally; having a manager who thinks highly of you may improve your job security since you'll have someone who is willing to defend your value to the firm should layoffs occur. So, the last thing you want to do is exhibit behaviors that undermine this relationship.

Unfortunately, your manager may not always tell you if your behavior is driving him or her nuts. Here are eight actions to avoid:

1. Turning down new assignments.
Your supervisor comes to you to say that you'd be the ideal person to mentor a new staff member. She wants to know if you have the time to take on this task. You do, but you're not interested in the responsibility, so you decline the offer. Bad move. It's unwise to build a reputation as someone your boss can't count on. Plus, it's a good rule of thumb to accommodate your boss's wishes, as long as you have room on your plate for the extra work. A pattern of "no's" can convince your manager to stop offering you opportunities, including ones you might be interested in.

2. Being "high-maintenance. "
Do you require constant feedback or positive reinforcement to remain productive? Must you check in with your boss every hour to ensure you're on the right track? This constant need for attention may prevent your manager from attending to important tasks or getting into a good work flow, which is enough to drive even the most patient professional up the wall.

3. Communicating poorly.
You're working on a high-profile project and just left your supervisor a voice-mail message with a quick progress update. He calls back, asking to be e-mailed the information. And, given the importance of the assignment, more detail would be nice. It's critical you understand your boss's communication preferences and adjust your style accordingly to ensure the two of you remain on the same page. In addition to preferred mode of communication, consider how much -- or how little -- information your manager would like.

4. Asking too many questions.
Everyone knows the saying "In one ear and out the other." Don't embody it when interacting with your manager. Repeatedly asking the same question ("Whom should I follow up with again?") is a sure-fire way to annoy your supervisor. To avoid this situation, always listen carefully when your boss is speaking and try to seek clarification on new projects from the get-go. If you must follow up, be sure to approach your manager with a specific list of questions and take notes so you don't need to bother him or her again.

5. Failing to follow through.
You're rushing to finish a presentation for your boss. After reviewing it, he notes a few typographical errors that you should have caught. To build your manager's confidence, you must think ahead and pay attention to details. As you tackle a project, think about the types of concerns your boss is likely to have, questions he or she may ask, and stumbling blocks that could get in your way. For example, if you're in charge of organizing an important meeting, have you tested the necessary technical equipment ahead of time? Prepared and proofread any handouts? Made arrangements to arrive early so you can set up? Even when things are hectic, keeping a keen eye on every detail is necessary to impress your supervisor.

6. Refusing to admit your mistakes.
Creating an excuse to justify poor performance is dishonest and unprofessional. Plus, chances are your ploy won't stand the test of time. If you make a mistake, step up to the plate; then go further by devising a plan for both correcting and avoiding similar incidents in the future. For example, if you included the wrong subject line in a mass e-mail, set it up with a colleague to review any memos with large distribution lists before hitting Send. Employees who accept ownership demonstrate professionalism, maturity and confidence.

7. Waving the red flag after the ship has sunk.
Your manager has asked you to compile a complicated report by the end of the week. Friday afternoon, you realize you can't finish it in time and break the news to your boss. She's furious! If you had just let her know earlier, she would have been able to provide you with extra resources to complete the project by the deadline. The lesson here: Let your supervisor know as soon as you sense a problem growing. With advanced notice, your manager can often work with you to stave off disaster.
8. Fueling the rumor mill.
Above all, supervisors seek employees with a positive outlook, especially given all of the negative news about today's economy. Enthusiasm is contagious, and these individuals are able to influence the attitudes of others. You don't want to be the one at the water cooler who spreads gossip or complains.

How to De Fang a Toxic Boss

By Richard S. Gallagher

How many people out there hate their bosses? And how many have the luxury of simply voting with their feet, and leaving? Everyone faces a toxic boss at some point in their career and must quickly learn how to de-fang.

Toxic bosses are often energy vampires who drain our morale, creativity and productivity. Ironically, they often feel they are doing the right thing in the process. So when you react to them, you get dragged into a tug-of-war that too often leads to a one-way ticket out the door. It's a lose-lose situation for everyone.

At the same time, the right communications skills can provide a great antidote to these toxic bosses. Here's how:

Learn how your boss sees the world. Does your boss go to bed every night dreaming of new ways to be mean and cruel? If he does, it's time to leave, however, the reality is that most toxic bosses simply have a warped view of managing people. What you see as criticism, they see as "holding people accountable. " What you see as politics, they see as "motivating people to perform." And what you think is pointless nastiness is, in their mind, "avoiding a country-club atmosphere where people slack off."

So how do you learn what's behind their snarkiness? Simple: You ask them. Here are some examples of questions you might use:

- "What would the ideal department look like for you?"

- "What kinds of things frustrate you about our team?"

- "What would be the single biggest thing I could do better this year?"

Validate the boss's view of the world. This part feels like sucking on a lemon for most people, but it is the key to changing your boss's toxic behavior. (When was the last time you responded positively to criticism?) Here you are not out to agree with your boss or "kiss up" to her. Your goal is to make it clear you understand her, so that she will then listen to you. Try these on for size:

Tillie Toxic: "I wish people would stop slacking off and get to work around here."

You: "Good point, it is frustrating when people don't perform like you wish they did."

Peter Picky: "You never do this task right."

You: "I don't want you to settle for less than the best. Let's discuss this."

Does it feel funny to say things like these to a boss who acts like Darth Vader? Of course it does. But when you say them, you accomplish something extremely valuable: You create a safe space to start talking about changing the boss's intimidating ways.

Offer an alternative. Here is where you close in for the kill. Offer your boss what he wants, while presenting him with a neutral, factual way to get there -- by treating you better! Here's one example:

"I want to give you everything you want in the future. At the same time, I find it difficult to do that when I am constantly criticized. It makes it harder for me to do my best. Where could we go from here?"

Now you are in productive dialogue, and can start negotiating a win-win solution as adults. Remember that you have to use facts and not feelings here. Telling your boss to "share performance expectations" or "talk to me first before you criticize my work" is OK, but asking him to "stop being a jerk" is provocative, not to mention unclear.

With the right words, you can often achieve what seems impossible: Get your toxic boss to change, using a painless conversation that never puts him or her on the defensive. In the process, you will gain interpersonal and leadership skills that will stick with you for the rest of your life.

For Better or Worse, Until Pink Slip Do Us Part

Consider your relationship and each other’s personality before teaming up

By Eve Tahmincioglu

Divorce can be hell, but it can be even more hellish if the husband and wife work together.

A perfect example of this is the drama publicly unfolding between the estranged couple that ran the Los Angeles Dodgers together, team owner Frank McCourt and his wife and former team CEO Jamie McCourt.

The husband fired the wife last month. She went to court to get her job back but lost her bid to be reinstated Thursday during a hearing in the couple's messy divorce proceedings.


It’s McCourt vs. McCourt, and it’s also a cautionary tale for all couples considering sharing a bed and a workplace.

“You’re taking career, finances and your key relationship and adding additional stress,” says Greg McCann, who teaches family business at Stetson University. “Over half of marriages end in divorce; why would you add this stress to it. Most couples probably shouldn’t do it.”

You don’t have to tell Karey Bohmer, a project manager for US Airways in Phoenix, how difficult it can be.

Bohmer met her husband Daniel, an airplane mechanic, on the job. Although they now work in different departments, they have worked together and for each other for the past 15 years.

“We’ve had supervisors try to pit us against each other, accused us of favoritism, and had lots of ugly rumors spread around about us,” she explained. “We’ve also been divorced and remarried, and a big part of our divorce was because of work.”

While they've learned how to work together, Karey Bohmer says day-to-day issues make it tough on both of them.

“Some days we hate each other. We’re carpooling together, living together,” she says. “When I get home, I want to leave work at work. He wants to talk about work, but there are a lot of people I get along with that he doesn’t get along with.”

There’s also the issue of having too many eggs in one basket. Layoffs have plagued the aviation industry, including at US Airways. “It’s constantly in the back of your mind,” she says. “If layoffs hit, we could both be unemployed.”

Firing your spouse
Andrea Sittig-Rolf, who runs a sales training company called Sittig Inc. in Redmond, Wash., ending up pink-slipping her husband Brian after a year of him working for her. “I decided I’d rather keep him as a husband than as an employee, so I had to fire him,” she says.

She asked her husband to join her team at Sittig after he was laid off from a sales job at Waste Management in 2005. But soon their divergent personalities caused friction.

“Brian is the kind of person that wants a plan in place. I’m the kind of person that leaps and waits for the net to appear,” she says. She started bossing her husband around and became “mean and controlling.”

It was starting to impact the couple’s relationship, so she made the tough decision to let her hubby go. “I said, ‘I can’t do this. I don’t like what it’s doing to our relationship.’ ”

But it’s not all doom and gloom for life partners who also want to be work partners.

Making it work
Max Dobens works for his wife, Jacky Teplitzky, who runs one of Prudential Douglass Elliman’s top real estate businesses in New York City.

Dobens, who had worked in the hotel industry and for a dotcom but ended up getting laid off from both jobs, was asked by his wife to join her real estate team. He accepted after passing the real estate exam in 2001.

He had heard dire warnings about what might happen if he worked with his wife, but he was so sick of corporate politics that he took a chance — and is happy he did.
“I want to be a family, work together and be with my wife,” he says.

He admitted there were drawbacks, such as “a very fuzzy line between what’s personal and what’s business. It’s hard to go out to dinner and not talk about what’s going on in the office.”

And after the bottom dropped out of the New York real estate market last year, he wondered if he made the right decision.

What helps them make it work is that they’re focused on different things while on the job. “I’m off working with my own clients, doing a lot of my own thing,” he says. “If we were both chefs working in the same kitchen, there would have been a stabbing years ago.”

Dividing up responsibilities
Indeed, experts say it’s a good idea to separate responsibilities because one of the major issues husband-and- wife co-workers deal with is the power struggle, especially if one is the boss of another.

Maureen Borzacchiello, owner of Creative Display Solutions Inc. in Garden City, N.Y., discovered that in the first few months after she asked her husband to join her at her company in 2005. “Suddenly I had someone with an opinion that was happy to give me his opinion,” she says. “In the back of my mind I was thinking, ‘This is my company, mister.’ ”

The couple sat down one night and had an honest discussion, dividing up roles and responsibilities instead of trying to do everything together. “We drew a line in the sand,” she says.

They also promised never to fight in front of employees about work matters, and they make sure to give each other space on those days they need it.

Spouses never know if they’re cut out to work together until they actually try it, says Stephanie Losee, co-author of “Office Mate: Your Employee Handbook for Romance on the Job.” But a failed attempt, especially in this economy, can be costly to everyone concerned.

The worst-case scenario is when you thought there was a certain level of compatibility and friendship at the core of your marriage, and “one goes to work for the other with the thinking that you’re extending that relationship, and it backfires.”


Working with your spouse

For those thinking about working with a spouse, Losee offers some questions to consider:

• — Have you ever worked on a project together, at your kid’s school or a home improvement project, for example? How did it go?
• Who’s the boss in your family? Who pays the bills? There is always someone who is the boss. That could determine if one spouse is comfortable taking orders from another.
• Is there some other way to go? Before you make this decision, look at the situation that raised the question of working together. Did it happen because someone’s job went south? That foundation is pretty slippery. If the root of it is something you both wanted, then you’re standing on very solid ground.
  

Saying No to Your Boss

By Rachel Zupek

When you think back to your childhood and your mom said, "We'll see," it was always better than a flat out, "No." Much like "possibly" is sufficient when you ask your boss for time off and "I'll think about it" gives you hope when you ask for a raise.

Though all of these responses are really just a more polite version of "no," they're easier to hear than the actual word itself. While hearing "no" is hard enough, it seems that saying no is even more difficult for some people -- especially when it comes to their boss.

"Most employees avoid saying no to their boss because they fear it will ruin their relationship, cost them their job or appear disrespectful, " says Joseph Grenny, co-author of "Crucial Conversations. " "With the right set of skills, it is possible to be 100 percent candid and respectful when holding this important conversation. "

The reality is, we can't say to yes to everything, so it's essential to position yourself in the best way possible if and when you have to say no at work. The trick, experts say, is not really what you say, but how you say it.

"Many of us won't say the word because we are afraid to, especially in this economy," says Mary Byers, author of "How to Say No ... And Live to Tell About It." "It's easier to say no at work if you don't actually use the word. That way, your boss won't feel like you're being insubordinate. "

Elisabeth Manning, a human potential coach, recalls a time when she was an assistant to the president of a major company. The president wanted to make Manning her marketing manager at the same time -- and the same salary.

Manning, who knew that she would have too much on her plate if she accepted working both jobs, told her boss that she wanted to maximize her capacity for potential at the company and accepting the offer would not be the best, most efficient use of her time.

"I was neutral, not emotional and held my ground," Manning says. "I spoke as if it were already a done deal, without fear."

Here are five situations where you might find yourself needing (and wanting) to say no at work and how you can do so tactfully -- and without losing your job.

How to say no to ...
Your boss assigning you too much work

It can be tough to tell your boss you have a problem with the amount of work he or she is assigning you, but it's possible if you can make your boss feel safe, Grenny says. Start with facts instead of harsh judgments or vague conclusions and let your boss know you care about his interests and respect him, he says.

"Strip out any judgmental or provocative language and be specific," Grenny says. "For example, 'Last week, you gave me two large projects to finish in a very short amount of time and I had to complete these on top of my regular responsibilities. I am afraid my large workload might be affecting the quality of my work.'"

Outrageous demands

If your boss asks you to do something like run his errands or work all weekend and you can't (or don't feel like you should have to), focus on what you can do, says Susan Fletcher, a psychologist, author and speaker.

"The next time your boss asks you to go pick up his or her dry cleaning, instead of saying no, say, 'What I can do is cover your phone calls for you while you are out of the office,'" Fletcher suggests. "Or if your boss asks you to start up a new company initiative, instead of saying no, say, 'What I can do is brainstorm with you on the strategy for the initiative and help get the proper team members in place who can execute the strategy."

Something you honestly can't do

Of course, it's always good to learn new skills, but if you truly believe you aren't the best person for the job, you should say no. Byers suggests responding with something like, "Is there another department where this project might fit better, or someone we can collaborate with?"

"If you know you don't have the necessary time, resources or knowledge for a given project, this is a good way to open dialogue about the best way to get an assignment done," she says.

Unrealistic deadlines

If you frame your response in a way that helps your boss to rethink his request, you'll be OK, says Beth Sears, president of Workplace Communication.

Be aware of your tone of voice and try something like, "I understand your need for this assignment to be completed, but I need some help prioritizing my other work. You requested me to complete 'A' by tomorrow, 'B' by Thursday and 'C' by Friday. This last assignment 'D' would make it impossible to accomplish all of these. How would you prioritize these tasks?" Sears suggests.

Anything illegal, unethical or that crosses personal boundaries

Say no to anything that will you get into trouble if you say yes. Meaning, if something will be detrimental to your career or goes against your integrity, you should always say no.

Jennifer Bergeron, an HR training specialist, recently said no to one of her bosses who asked her to lie to her direct manager.

"I said, 'I'm not comfortable doing that, because the result will be [X, Y and Z]. Please don't ask me to ever lie to someone," Bergeron says. "He said, 'OK, you're right. I didn't realize all that was going on.'"